WordPress Page Caching Faster than Light — @WPEngine releases TachyCache

by Jason Cohen on April 1, 2012 8 Comments

Dateline April 1, 2012.   Austin TX.

Today WP Engine proudly announces a new WordPress page-caching technology which actually delivers pages before the user clicks the link!

In a joint venture with CERN, WP Engine has developed a TCP/IP layer on top of a faster-than-light neutrino beam, delivering page content in negative time.  Page state and web analytics is preserved forward in time using quantum-entangled cookies.

For more details, and to see how much faster your WordPress site would be using our technology, please click this announcement and sign-up form.

Congrats to the whole team!  I knew you could do it.  At least, after you built it today, I then had known you would do it tomorrow.

  • Nice.  Even down to the name.  Well done.  :)

  • Waaaauw! You’re even working with CERN. Waaaauw!
    Nice one.

  • lol ;)

  • Alvin

    Lol..this actually sounds like a really good idea!

  • I wonder if you have travelled through the time? How is everything in the future?

    LOL

    • It used to be better that it used to be before I got there.

  • Richard

    Old news – I remember reading in a newspaper back in 1998 about a 14-year old who had invented software that made dialup 6x faster by doing something similar to this :) (less quantum mechanics, more link crawling) I actually used something similar for a while until it started pre-loading the “delete” links in primitive webmail.

    I’m actually working on a much more comprehensive solution. By using advanced edge-caching to store the internet on each computer  we’ll finally be able to banish performance problems. For some reason it’s slowing down after caching the 10 millionth page but once that’s worked out it will be great!